Mar 3

The Intruder


Edited: Mar 3

Hi, guys! It´s me again :) With the risk of being annoying, I am sharing with you another experiment of mine. This one is a result of the session on different viewpoints. I would be very happy to get your perspective on it and any advice is more than welcome.


P.S. Happy Baba Marta! Wish you all great health, steady sense of humour and memorable adventures. _________________________________________________________________________


I just want it out of my mouth. Right away!

What the hell is this thing?

...... tcttctctctcttttttttttcccccctc.....


Maybe if I probe it with my tongue a bit more...



Fuck, fuck, fuck!


l can´t figure out what it is; what it wants; why it isn´t leaving?!


It just sits there in my mouth like a a... like a cryptic obelisk waiting to be deciphered. That´s it! I just need to uncover its secret. Yes, yes, yes. That´s it!


Shit! Did it just move?

It moves...I think...I can´t be sure.

Yes, the gap is getting bigger. Ok... ok! I´ll be fine.


What day is it? It can´t be 10 o´clock. Winter is coming.




This is not real. The clock is moving backwards. I must be sleeping.

No! It is how clocks move these days. Remember? Everything is the other way around since the poles flipped.


Bullshit! I am dreaming!


Ok, boy. Stop panicking. Focus. You need to pull yourself together and get this thing out of your mouth.


Man, my mind is getting restless. And I can´t stop scouting the enemy´s defenses. I must find a way out of this. Or my tongue would soon collapse from utter exhaustion.


I can use my fingers. There we go - just a bit of pushing and pulling.

Ahhh... I almost got it. It is so slippery.


How long has it been? 6 minutes ? 60 seconds? 6 months...?


Things are getting really serious. The insomnia is driving me mad. And my heart is acting out. If it could only stop skipping.


My thoughts are melting. I have to go to work, call Mark, buy groceries.

You silly! You lost your job, your Mark, your appetite over a month ago.


Relax! All you have left is this thing inside your mouth. Deal with it, already!


This plan is barabaric. There must be some other way. Can someone else do it?!

There is no one else. It has to be you.

It has to be me...


Right, let´s do this!


Three towels should be enough. Maybe I can lay them on the bathroom floor or better not. It would be easier to clean the tiles than to wash the towels.


Where is that vodka I bought last week?

Behind the jar of pickles in the fridge. I should probably throw that jar away. Think I bought it last month. These pickles can´t be good to eat. But they were so pricey...




Ok, the vodka will do. It is a good antispetic. Really?! It´s better than nothing.

Now, where is Mark´s toolbox? Did I loose the pliers? Did it have any pliers in it, at all?

Thank god, it is all here! These pliers look a bit rusted.


Damn, that vodka is strong! It will wash away the fears and the germs, I hope.


How the hell should I hold these?

This won´t work! Fuck!


Come on... don´t give up now. You are so close. Just focus!


Ok?! That is it. Hold the pliers firmly in one hand. Clench the sink with the other. Yes. You are doing great, boy. Just keep your balance and your cool.


Who the f... are these people in the mirror? Make them stop starring! I need some privacy.


It is time to end this. No matter what.


Stick those pliers in your mouth, already! And make your hands stop shaking. You can´t mess this up. Just be patient. It will come out.

Yes! That´s it. You got it. Now squezee the pliers. Slowly. You are doing great. Now pull. Gently. Don´t let it slip. You are almost done.

Good....keep pulling... few more seconds.

I know... I know... don´t mind the pain. Go for it! One last pull!


Shit! I can´t see anything from those tears.

Stop crying, damn it! Just pull!!


Bravo! You did it! Now, drop that little fucker in the sink and get the vodka!


Spit. Sip. Spit. Sip. Spit. Spit. Spit. Sip.


Put some more cotton soaked in vodka in your mouth and get the fuck out of this bathroom.


Yes, yes. Will do. Just one last look in the mirror.

It is really gone. Look at that new beautiful hole.

Right next to where my right front tooth used to be.

At last, some peace...


The soup is ready, hun. Come downstairs. Quick! It is getting cold. 

I am coming, mum. Just a sec. Should I bring your dentures?

Thanks, hun. We won´t need our teeth tonight.


As I walked down the stairs, I felt the familiar scratch once again.


Fuck, another intruder is on its way!

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  • Hello, everyone! I am very surprised (and slightly worried) to be the first to share some of the work that I have written since we started the course. But after reading all your insightful comments in the entry challenge section, it just seems silly not to take advantage of your collective wisdom. What I am sharing is a short...something that has been simmering at the back of my mind for a while. I would greatly appreciate any comments about structure, language, storyline and anything else that comes to mind. Thank you in advance and see some of you in a bit:) _________________________________________________________________________ They were slowly walking down the street, dragging the brown Christmas tree behind them. Sweat was dripping from their forheads straight into their eyes making them tear up a little from all that saltiness. At the corner shop they stopped for a moment and the man went in to buy them a cold drink. The woman waited outside with the lifeless tree in one hand and a soaky handkerchief in the other. Once they got the fizzy juice, they headed towards the nearby playground to enjoy it in silence - each one imprisoned in their own boling hot nightmare. They sat on one of the two half-broken benches and took turns sipping from the slippery bottle. ... What are we going to do with that stupid tree. I don´t see any waste containers on this street. Everyone is staring at us. I hate that look of open concern and hidden relief. Why don´t they just mind their own business? We should leave. Right now. I could probably find a job in London. I have some good friends there. They will help us settle down. Especially now. Two sips It is so damn hot. Must be 30 + degrees. I told her we can keep the tree in the house for a little longer. We should probably just leave it here at the playground. It is a miserable place, anyway. No one comes here with their children anymore. Why would they? Dog shit and dirty pigeons. The tree would fit perfectly here. Yes, we should leave it here and go straight home. I already feel tired... Half a sip ... I had to get the stupid tree out of the house. It was driving me insane. If he could just stop pouting, we would get the job done. I know there is a big waste container two blocks down. It is a new one. Very nice and clean. Things are changing for the better around here. We will be fine. I have a lot of new work coming in. That would keep me busy for most of the time. He should find a job, soon. I know some friends I can call and ask for a favour. They will help us. Especially now. Three sips It is so damn hot. I told him it would be 30 + today and that we should get the tree out before noon. One sip I am getting too sweaty. We should get it over with and go straight home. I don´t want to bump into someone we know. It has been awhile but I know that some of the mothers still come here from time to time. It is not as bad as he thinks. If someone cleans it up a bit, it would be just fine. NO more sips There is so much more we have to throw away today... They stood up in silent unison and stumbled down the street past the shiny City Clinic. 12:45 22.08.2019 35 degrees - said the digital clock above the hospital´s entrance. The heavy air was penetrating their skin and stifling their lungs. They finally reached the waste container only to find it overtaken by rubbish pouring out of it in all directions and a distinct smell of rotten tomatoes circulating above it. They gently placed the tree on the side and headed straight back to where they came form. Just as they were turning the corner, he stopped for a second and took a hesitant step back. Without even blinking, she got a hold of his sweaty palm and pulled him decisively forward. There was no point going back. Not again. She knew it had to be their last atempt. 10 scorching minutes later they were home. They took their dusty shoes off, unlocked, stepped into the clean cool apartment and slammed the door behind them. Rest in peace, little Birdy. Love, Mum and Dad Christmas Day 2017 - read the black and white sign on the closed front door.

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