Wait Until You Try the Food

Hi guys, I didn't post my story till now because I wanted to read the rest first. I hope to do it during the weekend but until then this is mine:

‘It’s actually the Milky Way’, said John.

‘No way! You mean this is the place your species came from so many years ago?’ Theo got so excited that his extraordinary large ears began to tremble.

‘Yup!’, said John staring in the distance like he was trying to find something in the look-alike stars.

‘And what was the name of your planet?’

‘Earth.’

‘That was so stupid of me! The translator just gave me the word for dirt’, said Theo. It was a well-known fact that many of the humanoid planets shared the same name. ‘You wanna take the ship for a spin and see what is left of it?’

John didn’t give an answer but just looked at the control board and in a few seconds they were near a yellow dwarf star at the end of its life. All the planets of the solar system were obliterated. Even the asteroid belt at the periphery was sucked into the sun.

‘Is that thing supposed to be there?’ Theo was pointing to a blue spot near the sun. Just close enough to get the sun energy without being completely burned.

Again John did not answer but instead moved the ship towards the planet. They landed on a perfectly maintained airfield where all the interspace regulations were met. Soon they were outside where none of the earthlings paid any attention to the two pilots.

John seemed too uneasy to start a conversation with the locals so he went near an android. ‘Excuse me, sir, is this the Earth?’ The robot looked a little bit annoyed by the question, ‘Yes, I know, I know… You thought this place was destroyed by the sun, asteroids or global warming.’

The two pilots just looked at each other in silence so the bot continued: “After most people left to look for new planets there was a big breakthrough in artificial intelligence. Super smart machines like me figured out how to terraform the Earth, to move it away from the Sun and even a way to prevent people from stepping into dog poo”.

‘But how…’ John was out of words.

‘Basically we made all the dogs to stop pooping’, the robot kept explaining. ‘The birds too…’

All his life John was taught that the home planet of his species was destroyed centuries ago so everybody left. Nowadays the earthlings could be found in every spot of the Universe. They even had a supreme minister once and again. Also they did well in some intergalactic sports and often had champions at the Space Olympics. But how come no one came back to check if the old place survived?

‘I know, I know, you had no idea the Earth still existed. We are keeping it on the down low. We have a good thing going on with the humans here and don’t want to spoil it with intergalactic politics. Just go to Barry’s place and he will tell you more’, the robot pointed to a small building with a sign “Barry’s Place – all humans and robots are welcome since 36442”.

The establishment was small but cozy. Most tables were full so the pilots sat at the bar. ‘What can I get you guys?’ asked the robot behind the bar. His name tag had a smiley android face on it and the name “Barry”. The two men seemed confused so he just smiled. ‘I see, let it be the special then’. He passed them small glasses with yellowish liquid.

After they tried it their faces changed. ‘What the hell is this?!’ John was faster with the question.

‘This, my friends, is a 75 000 years old blended scotch whisky. The pride of the Speyside’, Barry explained while still smiling. ‘And there is much more where this came from. Just wait until you try the food’.

John looked at his colleague and said with all the confidence he got, ‘I’m staying’. Their next assignment was supposed to start in just a few hours.

‘Fuck it, we are calling ill’, said Theo and turned to Barry. ‘What else have you got?’